Calgary Stampeding!

So the stampede is this ridiculous occasion in Calgary that is definitely the farthest thing from wholesome. Basically everyone in this city get's dressed up as a cowboy, frequents the local bars, and gets totally destroyed in one of three ways. Alcohol and drugs, fighting, or women. Any of the three could destroy you, but usually only one does per night. The stampede itself is a massive mayfair, grandstand and rodeo, but for young people is almost a sidenote to the staggering display of nightlife that goes on during the week. Everyone everywhere wears cowboy gear, which is sometimes hilarious, sometimes terrifying, sometimes sexy. I know that I now want to invest in a pair of cowboy boots. Not only are they badass, but super comfortable and basically the best protector for your feet in any weather and conditions. Laceless and easy to put on, as well as rugged enough to hike in, but stylish enough to wear to the bars apparently. I don't stand behind the stylish comment so thoroughly, but I do think they are badass. Moving on from cowboy gear, the stampede itself. The stampede is by far the largest midway and food stand thing I've ever been to. For those from Ottawa, picture the ex times 50 but also way better. The food is disgraceful, as it should be, the rides are cheesy and operated by drug addled carnies, as they should be, and the atmosphere is something like a mix between a saloon and a high school. It's a very unique place.

When we first got to Calg we decided to post up and start cooking, because our contacts weren't responding. Understandable, as they were probably in the middle of their work day. We stayed south of the city, and finished cleaning up our food just as a rainstorm came up. After that we napped and decided to take the train into the city. We ended up marching around downtown Calgary for a while before stopping into a stampede tent known as 'Wildhorse'. Basically a soccer dome full of alcohol and scantily clad cowgirls. The club itself kind of sucked, as it was totally bright inside and had no real ambiance to speak of. People were making the best of it, and certain cowboys were tearing up the dance floor with their two stepping madness. It's an interesting thing to note that there are men (generally between the age of 20-30) for whom the stampede is what they plan for all year. They can dress the dress, walk the walk, dance the dance, and go back to their very un-cowboyish office jobs once it's all done. It's one of those things where I think that it's cool, but also depressing, because fundamentally they do all this work just to attract women, when they could just be an intriguing individual all the time and not worry so much about it. Irregardless, that is the way it is and will continue to be. We left Wildhorse and returned to the boons to sleep.

The following day we drove into Chinatown for some breakfast at a restaurant named 'happy valley'. It was mediocre but did the trick. We then got into contact with a friend of Fabian's that he had met traveling in Laos. Perry Chen is a king among men. We met him in the Plus15s, which is something worthy of note. All over downtown Calgary there is a pedestrian route that snakes through the office buildings and over all the streets. It is 15 feet up, hence the plus15 name, and on a rainy day is the most useful thing in the world. It happened to be a rainy day, so we used them. The office workers can get to a variety of transit stops and food courts without having to ever go to street level. Anyways, back to Perry. He is one of the oil traders in Calgary, which means I don't really know what he does but he works for Shell, and though I don't love the industry that lines his pockets, he is a wicked dude. We went with him and a bundle of his co-workers to an oil party hosted by Thomson-Reuters, which was pretty awesome. Considering the fact that they were already giving us free booze and food, I think the woman hanging from the ceiling pouring champagne was just a superfluous extra, but I enjoyed it. After all, what is a party without a glittery acrobat serving the masses their alcohol. I actually was the first person the kneel down under her and get champagne poured all over my face and down my shirt, which I'm relatively proud of. Though Perry wasn't to be outdone on his home turf and lay right down on the ground and got the same treatment. I was goading him on the whole time, it was awesome. So after we each consumed about 300$ worth of alcohol, it was time to return to Wildhorse, this time with a crew of people. I barely remember most of Calgary, as it was basically getting sunburnt during the day and partying at night. The whole food trip was put on hold for a spell as we let loose and enjoyed the pure intensity of the Stampede. Perry and his wife, Jen, were leaving to Saskatchewan the next day to help Perry's parents move. This was shitty because the week would have been even more insane than it was had they been in town. Before they left they were awesome enough to just hand us their apartment for the five days we were staying in town. It was amazing to have a home base for the length of time we did, and the fact that it was just outside downtown was even better. We cooked them a pretty delicious dinner afterwards, so I feel we've repayed them in part, but it was still gloriously charitable of them to lend their house to a traveler they met once and his buddy. We had an amazing time in Calgary, met up with friends from both members of the trip, and went out altogether too much. We met some South Africans that Fabian had shared an employer with in Whistler, and who happened to be working on a feedlot south of Calgary at the time. They were amazing to party with, really great guys, and turned out to be an awesome connection to see a part of the food industry we would never otherwise have seen. I went to the grandstand show with the lovely Ms.Shannon Greer, of Carleton University fame. The grandstand show is kitchy beyond repair, but almost purposefully so. Parts were impressive. Fabian and I also attended the rodeo, though ze german wasn't feeling well and our seats were definite nosebleeds. The things they do in the rodeo make you question who the hell came up with these 'sports'. Everything is incredibly rooted in tradition, neglecting even things that keep people or animals safer or faster, stronger, or more able in favour of those things that have been around since the beginning. It is almost perfectly representative of the political climate here, which I won't get too into because it frustrates me. We also did one day of 'stampede food' after which I was nearly sick to the point of vomiting. Too much deep fried stuff is never good. We had a variety of sickening 'treats'. Taco in a bag was a definite highlight, don't judge me. They basically slice the side off a bag of Doritos and put taco fillings inside, including ground beef, green onion, lettuce, sour cream and cheese. Surprisingly tasty, though difficult to get Doritos on a fork. Another highlight was Pork Sundaes, which are basically BBQ pulled pork layered with mashed potatoes to resemble a fudge sundae, slathered in gravy instead of chocolate sauce. Relatively amazing. Lowlights include everything else, deep fried pickles, deep friend Wisconsin cheese, a massive turkey leg which was an atrocity of taste, and others. We skipped dessert (which include fried ice cream, fried funnel cakes, fried mars bars, fried jelly beans, and fried coca-cola syrup) in favour of not completely ruining our gastro-intestinal systems. Upon finishing our little culinary tour, we felt it a necessity to go back home and watch Superbad and nap. It was entirely worthwhile. My guts were in a tumultuous state to say the least.


Following that horrible assault on my stomach, we went out to the Kid Rock concert. I know what your thinking, why oh why, and frankly, I have no idea whatsoever. Fabian wanted to see rednecks at their finest. Anyways, it was a good concert. You won't find me defending his music per se, but Kid Rock puts on a good show. every riff and rhythm is stolen from some epic song, but he crosses genres, performs with energy, and plays the crowd extremely well. Throughout the show, he performs not just vocals, but piano, drums, guitar, and Dj-ing while drinking a bottle of Jim Beam. We had fun, and the three Quebecquois beside us decided to come out with us to our local Stampede tent, which was also a good time. I might actually get to learn how to horseback ride from one of them while we hit Quebec, which is something I've never done and am excited for. After that night we decided to give the ol' liver a break, and started brainstorming what to cook for Perry and Jen when they return from Saskatchewan. We hit the local farmers market, which was very boutique, sadly. The produce was good, but not all local, and many stalls didn't even label where the products came from. We stuck with the local goods, bought some hormone free, grass-fed organic beef (a rarity in this province) and produce from Alberta.
We ended up making Albertan beef tartar on local Potato chips, with an Avocado-buttermilk 'gazpacho', followed by Braised shortribs and their jus, over a bed of heirloom carrots, local peas and mushrooms. Everything was amazing, and we drank our Painted Rock Merlot to round out the meal. In a twist perfectly suited to the occasion, Perry also brou
ght in Nk'Mip merlot, which was one of the wineries we most regretted not getting to in Osooyoos. Both merlots were excellent, the Painted Rock particularly tasty, and were great accompaniments to a great meal. We followed the dinner with an apricot tart, but everyone was pretty full, so we had to finish it off the next day. So although Calgary wasn't totally food centric, we did do the province justice with this meal.

I'd like to mention another two food experiences in Calgary. One was the day after the oil party, when we met Perry and Keith, one of his work buddies, for lunch at the Avenue cafe in downtown Calgary. The place was packed, the food delicious, and the service was friendly. I was impressed with the locality of the product, not something you commonly get in Alberta, though the movement has it's legs now. The mushroom soup was great, roughly pureed and holding it's texture, and the sandwich I had was also tasty. The second food experience was one of our own creation, and of which there are no pictures. We made pork piccata and a braised radicchio salad on focaccia, which was phenomenal. Like so good it's stupid, and the best part? Leftovers as well. Another good food tip is Chinese Cabbage. It's often really cheap, tasty and versatile. It can be used both to saute or shaved thinly for a wicked salad with oranges or something similar. Stop buying romaine. After all this Calgarian gluttony, it was time to go see what actually makes it onto the supermarket shelves. Calgary feeds Canada, in terms of beef, so to all you who eat beef from your local supermarket, the following exploration is for you.